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Dime Store Cowboy

(Verse 1)
He’s got a plastic badge and a bargain-bin hat,
Boots made of vinyl but he’s proud of that.
Struts down Main Street like he’s Jesse James,
But the clerk at the counter still calls him by name.

(Chorus)
He’s a dime store cowboy, ridin’ on a sale,
Dreamin’ of the prairie from the clearance rail.
Got a six-gun squirtin’ water, heart ten feet tall,
But a dime store cowboy don’t cost much at all.

(Verse 2)
Spurs don’t jingle, they’re glued on tight,
Wrangler tag says “medium,” but it’s wearin’ a fight.
Talks about cattle, but he’s never roped one,
Only herd he’s driven is a cart full of buns.

(Chorus)
He’s a dime store cowboy, ridin’ on a deal,
Painted-on mustache, but the swagger feels real.
Got a lasso made of twine, and he’s ready to call,
Yeah, a dime store cowboy don’t cost much at all.

(Bridge)
Maybe someday he’ll find the range,
Where the boots aren’t hollow and the horses ain’t strange.
Till then he’ll shine in that neon light,
A bargain bin hero in the Saturday night.

(Final Chorus)
He’s a dime store cowboy, ridin’ proud and tall,
In a world of big spenders, he still buys small.
A ten-cent legend, hear the toy gun draw—
That dime store cowboy’s the best of ‘em all.

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My Cat Is A Hat

Rhyming is similar to “Cat In The Hat” but the rhymes work with night, tight, right, etc..

My Cat Is a Hat
(a rhyming tale of nightly mischief)

Each night when the moon starts to shine silver light,
And I fluff up my pillow and say, “Sleep sounds right,”
I hear a soft thump and a mischievous spat —
It’s my tomcat again… and he’s being a hat.

He prowls through the hallway with ninja-like grace,
Then leaps like a rocket — right up to my face!
He spins once or twice till he’s comfy and tight,
Then settles on top of my head for the night.

A fuzzball of trouble, all whiskers and pride,
He purrs like a Harley and won’t move aside.
He stretches his toes, his belly goes flat,
And now I’m the throne for a tomcat hat.

Some nights he’s gentle, all cozy and light,
A warm furry cap that just feels sorta right.
But other nights — buddy — he’s rude and he’s bold,
And I wake up half-smothered in whiskers and cold.

He’ll park his whole backside, no shame, not a bit,
Right over my forehead — I sneeze from the… sit.
I groan and I wiggle, I plead and I frown,
But he’s the king of my cranium crown.

At times he will vanish — off chasing a sound,
Or knocking stuff over while tearing around.
But just when I think that I’ve gotten off light…
He returns with a flop — on my head — late at night.

I once wore a helmet, a cap made of tin,
He scratched at it, hissed, and still settled in.
I offered a pillow. He looked at me flat.
“No thanks,” said his eyes. “Your head is where it’s at.”

He twitches and snores and he dreams of a chase,
While drooling a little — right into my face.
But even when gross or obnoxiously fat,
I love him to bits — my tomcat hat.

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Deportationalized

A parody of Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies, but instead of a Pepsi, it’s about wanting a Whopper—and getting deported instead (to the tune of “Institutionalized”).

Verse 1
I was hungry one day, so I went to BK
Just wanted a Whopper, man, is that so insane?
But when I walked in, they were staring me down
Next thing I knew, I was tackled to the ground

I said, “Hey man, what the hell did I do?”
They said, “You got no papers, and we’re taking you”
I said, “Wait, man, I was just here for some fries!”
But they threw me in the van, and I started to cry

Chorus
All I wanted was a Whopper, just one Whopper!
And they deported me! DEPORTED ME!

Verse 2
They took me downtown, said I crossed some line
I said, “Dude, I’ve been here since like ‘99”
They said, “Too bad, man, we’re sending you back”
I said, “Just let me eat before you put me on that track!”

But no one listened, no one cared
They just threw me in a plane and left me there
I screamed, “I had coupons, I had a deal!”
But now I’m in a place where the Whoppers ain’t real!

Chorus
All I wanted was a Whopper, just one Whopper!
And they deported me! DEPORTED ME!

Bridge
They keep saying that I broke the law
But all I wanted was a flame-grilled jaw
No lettuce, no mayo, just gimme some meat!
But now I’m stuck with no Burger King to eat!

Outro
And I’m here, stuck in some random land
No fries, no soda, no ketchup in hand
They say, “It’s for your own good, don’t be mad”
But all I wanted was a Whopper, man… ain’t that sad?