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Shey July 22, 2025 Leave a Comment

My Cat Is A Hat

Rhyming is similar to “Cat In The Hat” but the rhymes work with night, tight, right, etc..

My Cat Is a Hat
(a rhyming tale of nightly mischief)

Each night when the moon starts to shine silver light,
And I fluff up my pillow and say, “Sleep sounds right,”
I hear a soft thump and a mischievous spat —
It’s my tomcat again… and he’s being a hat.

He prowls through the hallway with ninja-like grace,
Then leaps like a rocket — right up to my face!
He spins once or twice till he’s comfy and tight,
Then settles on top of my head for the night.

A fuzzball of trouble, all whiskers and pride,
He purrs like a Harley and won’t move aside.
He stretches his toes, his belly goes flat,
And now I’m the throne for a tomcat hat.

Some nights he’s gentle, all cozy and light,
A warm furry cap that just feels sorta right.
But other nights — buddy — he’s rude and he’s bold,
And I wake up half-smothered in whiskers and cold.

He’ll park his whole backside, no shame, not a bit,
Right over my forehead — I sneeze from the… sit.
I groan and I wiggle, I plead and I frown,
But he’s the king of my cranium crown.

At times he will vanish — off chasing a sound,
Or knocking stuff over while tearing around.
But just when I think that I’ve gotten off light…
He returns with a flop — on my head — late at night.

I once wore a helmet, a cap made of tin,
He scratched at it, hissed, and still settled in.
I offered a pillow. He looked at me flat.
“No thanks,” said his eyes. “Your head is where it’s at.”

He twitches and snores and he dreams of a chase,
While drooling a little — right into my face.
But even when gross or obnoxiously fat,
I love him to bits — my tomcat hat.

Filed Under: Humor, Writings Tagged With: Rhyme, Tom Cat

Shey January 16, 2025 Leave a Comment

Deportationalized

A parody of Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies, but instead of a Pepsi, it’s about wanting a Whopper—and getting deported instead (to the tune of “Institutionalized”).

Verse 1
I was hungry one day, so I went to BK
Just wanted a Whopper, man, is that so insane?
But when I walked in, they were staring me down
Next thing I knew, I was tackled to the ground

I said, “Hey man, what the hell did I do?”
They said, “You got no papers, and we’re taking you”
I said, “Wait, man, I was just here for some fries!”
But they threw me in the van, and I started to cry

Chorus
All I wanted was a Whopper, just one Whopper!
And they deported me! DEPORTED ME!

Verse 2
They took me downtown, said I crossed some line
I said, “Dude, I’ve been here since like ‘99”
They said, “Too bad, man, we’re sending you back”
I said, “Just let me eat before you put me on that track!”

But no one listened, no one cared
They just threw me in a plane and left me there
I screamed, “I had coupons, I had a deal!”
But now I’m in a place where the Whoppers ain’t real!

Chorus
All I wanted was a Whopper, just one Whopper!
And they deported me! DEPORTED ME!

Bridge
They keep saying that I broke the law
But all I wanted was a flame-grilled jaw
No lettuce, no mayo, just gimme some meat!
But now I’m stuck with no Burger King to eat!

Outro
And I’m here, stuck in some random land
No fries, no soda, no ketchup in hand
They say, “It’s for your own good, don’t be mad”
But all I wanted was a Whopper, man… ain’t that sad?

Filed Under: Humor, Songs Tagged With: Institutionalized, Parody, Suicidal Tendencies

Shey November 5, 2024 Leave a Comment

The Day Wokeness Died

“The Day Wokeness Died”
(To the tune of “American Pie”)

[Verse 1]
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember how
Those tweets could make the outrage fly.
And I knew if we had our way,
We’d virtue signal every day,
And maybe we could cancel you or I.

But January made me shiver,
With every poll the networks delivered,
Bad news on the doorstep,
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried,
When the orange guy took his victory stride,
But something touched me deep inside,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
So bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Verse 2]
Did you read the trending tweets,
About pronouns and vegan meats,
Or how my microaggressions made you cry?
Do you believe in safe space zones?
Can AI write your fragile poems?
And can you teach me what’s offensive or why?

Well, I know you’re woke and you’re so sincere,
But your hashtags failed—it’s a brand-new year!
You all screamed “Not fair!”
But the ballots weren’t there.

I was a millennial college grad,
With student loans that drove me mad,
But I knew I’d lost what dreams I had,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
We were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Bridge]
Now, for four years we’ll all debate,
Over every meme and every state,
But there’s no denying he came back.
While you mocked MAGA hats and flags,
The folks in diners packed their bags,
And voted in the orange Cadillac.

Oh, the left’s tears flowed, the pundits screamed,
The comment sections blew off steam,
No Marx, no AOC,
It’s a capitalist spree!

And as Trump smiled wide and raised his hand,
With a wave from his Mar-a-Lago band,
I saw his voters take a stand,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
We were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Outro]
I met a girl who cried on Zoom,
And I asked her, “Why so much doom?”
But she just scrolled and turned away.
I went down to the campus quad,
Where woke crusaders had once trod,
But the protests there had gone away.

And in the streets, the people cheered,
No more cancel culture—nothing feared,
The nation found its voice,
And made their loudest choice.

And the three things that they love the most—
Their burgers, flags, and memes to roast—
They toasted to their country’s boast,
The day wokeness died.

[Final Chorus]
And they were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

Filed Under: Humor, Politicking, Songs Tagged With: Wokeness

Recent Posts

  • My Cat Is A Hat
  • Deportationalized
  • The Day Wokeness Died

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