“The Day Wokeness Died”
(To the tune of “American Pie”)

[Verse 1]
A long, long time ago,
I can still remember how
Those tweets could make the outrage fly.
And I knew if we had our way,
We’d virtue signal every day,
And maybe we could cancel you or I.

But January made me shiver,
With every poll the networks delivered,
Bad news on the doorstep,
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried,
When the orange guy took his victory stride,
But something touched me deep inside,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
So bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Verse 2]
Did you read the trending tweets,
About pronouns and vegan meats,
Or how my microaggressions made you cry?
Do you believe in safe space zones?
Can AI write your fragile poems?
And can you teach me what’s offensive or why?

Well, I know you’re woke and you’re so sincere,
But your hashtags failed—it’s a brand-new year!
You all screamed “Not fair!”
But the ballots weren’t there.

I was a millennial college grad,
With student loans that drove me mad,
But I knew I’d lost what dreams I had,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
We were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Bridge]
Now, for four years we’ll all debate,
Over every meme and every state,
But there’s no denying he came back.
While you mocked MAGA hats and flags,
The folks in diners packed their bags,
And voted in the orange Cadillac.

Oh, the left’s tears flowed, the pundits screamed,
The comment sections blew off steam,
No Marx, no AOC,
It’s a capitalist spree!

And as Trump smiled wide and raised his hand,
With a wave from his Mar-a-Lago band,
I saw his voters take a stand,
The day wokeness died.

[Chorus]
We were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”

[Outro]
I met a girl who cried on Zoom,
And I asked her, “Why so much doom?”
But she just scrolled and turned away.
I went down to the campus quad,
Where woke crusaders had once trod,
But the protests there had gone away.

And in the streets, the people cheered,
No more cancel culture—nothing feared,
The nation found its voice,
And made their loudest choice.

And the three things that they love the most—
Their burgers, flags, and memes to roast—
They toasted to their country’s boast,
The day wokeness died.

[Final Chorus]
And they were singing, bye-bye to the woke lullaby,
Grabbed my mug of black coffee, left my Prius to drive,
And good old boys on Twitter said with a sigh,
“This’ll be the day wokeness dies,
This’ll be the day wokeness dies.”